It felt like a different season this week with spring definitely in the air, and shorts season right around the corner. One pound this week - this is very, very slow. I was talking to my friend, Janet, the other day about the clothes we keep hidden of our past slimness. She talked fondly of two dresses. I have two pairs of tiny jeans that I have kept for 11 years. I only wore them for one year as they were never remotely loose on me and if I gained three pounds, they were too uncomfortable to wear. (See me below wearing them with our good friends, Jan and Arnie in Taos.) I doubt that I will ever fit in them again as my body has changed in proportions with fat being more distributed around my waist. When I lose this weight, I may finally put them aside.
When I was that slim, I took particular delight in shopping. Sometimes I would just go try on clothes with no intention of buying. I was so happy with my body – tall and lean. It didn’t take much weight gain to knock me off that high. I remember shopping with my daughter-in-law; I was still quite slim. I was looking for dress for a fancy wedding, and she was encouraging me to try on these outrageous dresses. I was already unhappy with the way I looked and didn’t want to put my body in the spotlight. I wish I had, it would have been a great memory to savor. I rue other times that weight has interfered with pure joyful moments like swimming with grandchildren who only want to jump in
to the lake, 50 times plus. Instead I sit on the dock and laugh, but not as much as if I had been in the water, being splashed in the face.My friend, Patricia, said to me yesterday. How did this happen to you, you have always been so active. I think that food is many things to me including that sometimes it relieves boredom. My sister said she would be fat if she was home all the time as she is always in the kitchen. Staying home is a challenge as the pantry is always calling, a handful of nuts, a few rice crackers, and Nev’s peanut butter cups. So as I go through this slow, slow process, I am trying to change the way I deal with food. This is not a diet, but a new way of eating. Guess I will find out if it works.
I think we were brought up to think food is the reward--and food is love. I remember my Mom making cauliflower with cheese sauce JUST FOR ME! We had been freezing food all day--actually all week--and I had talked about having that dish once and how much I liked it. And she made it. One portion. She hated to cook, and to make something for one person was unheard of.
ReplyDeleteFood is complicated stuff. Nutrition is the smallest part of the conundrum for me. Taste buds rule the roost, but who said they were in charge?